I’m being pathetic but passing my driving test is my first challenge since being poorly and it’s a HUGE thing for me.
I’ve been doing well but recently my confidence seems to have gone haywire and I’m not enjoying it anymore because I’m dreading getting something wrong.
The other day, I was making loads of silly stupid mistakes and kept getting more frustrated and flustered. It got to the point when my driving instructor got me to stop and I just burst into tears. I couldn’t stop crying and I felt so daft.
She was so lovely but I just felt so stressed out and annoyed at myself for getting loads wrong. She said she can hear me panicking about stuff recently and she can see how I’ve stopped enjoying it all and I’ve started to let it get on top of me. I’m over thinking everything and putting too much pressure on myself.
She was lovely and gave me one of her sweets and sat me in the passenger’s seat and said I had to tell her what to do to prepare for junctions and roundabouts. After I’d calmed down she said i had to relax and drive and just try not to think so much.
I did ok and we finished my lesson. I had another lesson tonight and although a few things were better, I still kept making stupid mistakes and felt so annoyed at myself.
I just feel like I’ve taken ten steps backwards.
I know it is the first challenge I’ve had since I was poorly and an enormous part of my mental state had to do with self confidence and issues with failure. I just feel close to tears every time I drive now and I keep having to fight all the horrible thoughts telling me to give up.
It means SO much to me. It was my first challenge to myself, paid for entirely by me, my own personal goal and my car will be bought with all my own money. It is really important to me to have it this way. I just hate how I feel about something millions of people do every day all because I’m still affected by how poorly I was.